What the World needs now is Gay Batman

Grant Morrison, comic book author of such classics as The Invisibles, All-Star Superman and Batman and Robin, has recently said that Batman is gay.

Gayness is built into Batman. I’m not using gay in the pejorative sense, but Batman is very, very gay. There’s just no denying it. Obviously as a fictional character he’s intended to be heterosexual, but the basis of the whole concept is utterly gay. I think that’s why people like it. All these women fancy him and they all wear fetish clothes and jump around rooftops to get to him. He doesn’t care — he’s more interested in hanging out with the old guy and the kid.

The Quote can be found here, along with information on his upcoming Wonder Woman project and his defence of his treatment of Magneto during his X-men run.

I’ve been a fan of Grant Morrison’s early work, having not made much progress on his work with more well-known superheroes, such as Superman and the already mentioned Batman. I do like to keep up with him, mainly because Grant Morrison says things that make me happy inside. For instance, there is something that makes a bit of sense about Batman being gay, and having someone who has written on Batman go out and say “Yes, Batman is gay.” There have been a few comments from the less socially advanced folks, and we all know that the folks at DC won’t be letting Batman out of the Bat Closet anytime soon. In and off itself, I don’t think this is a problem for Batman, because part of the whole Batman image works on a gay subtext. We’re more used to Batman being openly gay, and to be honest there is something very fascinating about works dealing with views of sexuality when we were not allowed to talk about it. This usually gives culture critics such as myself delightfully strange things to analyze.

Mind you, Batman is not just relegated to a past relic. He has remained a part of the cultural mindset into the modern-day. The fear is that, by Grant Morrison declaring Batman gay, we are somehow insulting the character. The fact is, Batman is isolated from traditional masculine notions for a while now. He runs around on rooftops in a cape and a bat suit, he is not a normal human being. Further more, I think that Batman’s gayness can in fact be a good thing considering how god-damn stifling our society can be. In an age where Conservatives try to control our bodies and sexualities, what we really need know is a gay Batman.

So in conclusion, I say we should bring back that anarchic campiness that makes superheroes great. We should have Batman swinging into California saying that Prop 8 is a plan by the Riddler or somebody to…get…something, I don’t know their batman villains, they do all kinds of crazy shit. Can’t be the Joker though, because the Joker is way to Chaotic Evil for the Republican’s Lawful Evil. Dick Cheney would be all, “We’re going to control the world with chemtrails,” and the Joker would be all like “Yeah, but what if we replaced all the chemtrails with tapioca?” Then Dick Cheney would say “What? We can’t do that?” and then the Joker would be all “Well, I already stole all your chemtrails and will be putting them in the water supply,” and then the Joker breaks Dick Cheney’s legs and Dick Cheney is all like “Fuck, why did I ever decided to work with this guy. I should have totally listened to Lex.”

Where was I? Oh, right, Gay Batman. My point is Batman has an undercurrent of gayness to him and that is why we love him. Confusion over his sexual identity is as much part of Batman’s identity as being a parental abandonment issues and being the world’s greatest detective. If people have a problem with that then more’s the pity for them. Grant Morrison has simply voiced something that for a long time we have always known but never wanted to actually mention.

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Give Me Back My National Identity!

I never liked patriotism. I always found it to be equivalent of chest-thumping apes, and the guiding force behind much of the stupid, pointless actions that have taken place in the last decade or so. So now I am in a conflict. My country (Canada) is going to shit. Our Prime Minister wants to change the narrative of Canada into a military power, and is working hard to suppress the rights of speech of any dissenters that have the sense to say he is a deplorable waste of human flesh and should be banished from this country to sell fiddlesticks in some third world nation where he will be recognized as the white devil he is. On the other hand, I have to do something that I have been reluctant to do, and that is to become, under some sense of the word, a patriot.

I have always liked being Canadian. We were like Americans, but we weren’t as much a military power, we were peacekeepers. Admittedly, our peacekeeping efforts have not been that successful all the time, but the idea of peace is something that should have more precedence then war. Being Canadian was better than being American, because people liked Canadians more than Americans. We were nicer, we didn’t shout loud in foreign resturants, we didn’t shoot everything in sight. WE DID NOT GO TO WAR. I was proud that we had a nation of peacekeepers, I didn’t brag about it because I always considered patriotism the equivalent of a degenerative disease, but having a nation of peacekeepers is something to be proud of.

Now, we have a military nation. Stephen Harper wants us to go out and fight the Taliban in Afghanistan, work our way to economic supremacy, silence anone who wants to nd generally act like an American politician, which is what bothers me. It may seem xenophobic, but the fact that Stephen Harper seems so American is what really kicks me about him. I know this sounds horrible, but a good chunk of the Canadian identity is that we’re not Americans. Making fun of Americans is as Canadian as maple syrup. Harper, however, seems to want to recreate the Canadian identity into what I have always thought separated us the most, a military power. That Harper wants to turn us into a military power is a national betrayal.

Sure, there is the whole Vimy ridge story, but I don’t really like that one either. Yes, it helped cement Canadians as a separate identity from Britain, and yes it was a military endeavour. But it was still a battle in World War One, which is one of the greatest fuck ups in history. Yes, Canadians did what the rest of England and France couldn’t, but it was still another exercise in a fundamentally pointless war that was only started because running a country or a war is not an activity for adults. In fact, if we started treating the people in charge of the military like children maybe they’d clue in to how stupid they’re acting. Keep them away from heavy machinery, keep them in diapers, talk down to them in a condescending manner. Anyways, my point is a successful battle in World War One is still a battle in World War One, that we should take pride in an event that is a travesty of humanity just goes to show how disturbing a concept patriotism can be.

But the fact is that Stephen Harper, despite his goals and my own disgust at the entire concept, has made me a patriot. The only satisfaction I can get out of this is that I am the opposite of Stephen Harper’s idea of a patriot. I’m not a military man, don’t want to be a military man and would probably get rejected by the military as physically and psychologically unsound. I am an artist, which he has cut funding too. I’m not gay, but I put that up to social conditioning and not finding Mr. Right. I’m also into the occult, and while the only connections to Harper and the occult I could find are websites that are accusing him of Satanic Freemasonry, I don’t think Harper is a fan of that sort of thing either. But the fact remains that I am beginning to get a vested interest in how Canada exists as a nation, and I am not pleased. So now I need to figure out a way to do this, get Canada back to normal, and do this all before the patriotism gets to my central nervous system and I die.